Holiday stress kicks in at my house sometime in October when Mom sends her annual e-mail: "I've just finished my Christmas shopping. How is yours going, dear?"

The pressure is on. Carols are playing 24 hours a day at the malls, neighbors have plugged in their lighted reindeer and mail carriers have delivered armloads of catalogs.

As if we all needed proof, the American Psychological Association staged a holiday stress survey last year, identifying the top six stressors: money, gift-giving, lack of time, families, diet and children's issues. More than one in five Americans say they are worried the holidays will adversely affect their health.

"Holiday stress has been an increasingly relevant issue for people," says Russ Newman of the American Psychological Association. His polling has found that although workplace issues stress us out most of the year, seasonal issues move to the foreground in December.

And how do we cope? Prayer and exercise are the two top answers, according to the survey, followed by eating, drinking alcohol, massage/yoga, therapy, music, time with friends/family/pets, venting to friends/family (what, no dog?), hobbies and antidepressants. One percent said they use sex to relieve stress; another 1 percent turn to computer games.

The most successful families, Newman says, ease holiday stress by setting realistic expectations and keeping things in perspective. Let's call these the survivors, and we found three fine examples: families with two working parents, hectic schedules and lots of commitments who manage to get everything done and have fun doing it.

Their message? Sometimes the holiday cookies have to be Slice 'n Bake. Sometimes you need to ask others for help. There is no such thing as the perfect tree. Everyone has to pitch in. And try to enjoy the getting there, not just the goal.

"When I was growing up in Illinois, my mother wanted everything for Christmas to be perfect," says George Dickson. "We had to find the perfect tree. Everyone had to have the perfect gift, which had to be perfectly wrapped. This is supposed to be a joyful and peaceful time. So we made a commitment: Simpler is better, less is more."

Dickson and his wife, Harper, both of whom work as civilian program analysts for the Army, commute an hour or more each way from their brick rambler in Upper Marlboro, Md.

But when the couple walks in the door of their house at the end of a day, life revolves around the kids: Trevor, 4; Aidan, 21/2; and Connor, 19 months.

"We try and keep Christmas in perspective and not make it too over-the-top," says Harper, 37. "We enjoy it because we feel it isn't just another task, it's part of life."

They've adjusted their traditions to accommodate their growing family. George, 40, recalls the childhood trips to a local monastery to find and cut down that perfect tree. But because of time constraints, these days a store-bought tree will do just fine.

"Before we had kids, we used to do a lot of baking for the holidays, and we would deliver homemade breads and cookies to our friends," says Harper. That tradition has been scaled back. "On Sunday evenings, we put some Slice 'n Bake cookies in the oven, read part of the Christmas story and light a candle on our Advent wreath. That way, the kids get to know more about what Christmas is really all about."

"It's a lot of work to try and spend time with the kids on Christmas day and enjoy their gifts and the family and then spend the rest of the day in the kitchen cooking, setting the table and then cleaning it all up."

On Christmas Eve, after attending church, the three boys will snuggle down in their beds and Santa (George) will shake bells outside their windows and climb up a ladder to the roof to stomp around.

"We don't let stress get the better of us," says George. "For me, our life is so stressful when we leave the front door, when we come back in the house, it's all about having fun with our kids."

Last Christmas Eve, the lights in Nathan and Etriya Francis' rowhouse in Washington were blazing until 3 a.m. as the couple stuffed a rib roast, wrapped gifts and baked blueberry crumb pie for their daughter Hannah's first Christmas. And all this activity was in a house jammed with sleeping relatives.

"We really enjoy being in our home for the holidays," says Etriya, a social worker. "It's chaotic to travel with a little one and then have to carry all the presents. It's easier to wake up in your home on Christmas Day."

This year, says Nathan, 32, chief of staff in the office of the District of Columbia's deputy mayor for operations, their home will again be packed with grandparents and loved ones from Florida and Georgia, there to see Hannah, 19 months, wake up on Christmas morning.

The family spends December getting ready. There'll be a live tree, a decorated mantel and lots of poinsettias that remind Etriya, 31, of growing up in a warmer climate. They usually send out about 40 holiday cards; Nathan is hoping to make his own computer cards but isn't sure he'll get to it.

Every bite of the holiday dinner will be homemade, from turkey to cheesecake to caramel pound cake. Their menu is a blend of both families' traditions, which keeps them up late grocery shopping and cooking.

"You have to take a breath and put it all in context," says Nathan. "We both got to a point where we don't want to focus so much on the gifts. We want to focus on being together with Hannah."

Family harmony helps. "We are both blessed to have our parents living and both sets of parents really get along," says Nathan. "It's like our parents were separated at birth. When I tell people both sides of the family will be here for Christmas, they get this shocked look on their face. But our families really like each other."

"Last year, we literally got the last standing rib roast at Costco before Christmas," says Etriya. "But everything got done and it was beautiful."

But the Kensington, Md., family hasn't even made their Christmas photo card yet, leaves the baking to others and happily waits till after Thanksgiving to plunge into Christmas, just like a lot of the rest of us. They actually prefer the bustle of crowded malls to efficiently squirreling away gifts all year.

"The holiday buzz in the air is our favorite part of Christmas," says Maria Covell. "We have to stay organized for it to be enjoyable. But I don't think you should be too organized because it takes away from the magic."

The Covells have a two-part strategy for the holiday season. They usually throw a party for friends the second weekend of December at their Kensington, Md., home because the deadline forces them to get cracking. So this week they'll be hauling decorations from the attic, putting up the live tree, stringing twinkle lights outdoors and trimming the staircase with garlands.

Both Maria, 37, and Tim, 38, grew up in large families, and both sets of parents help out with babysitting over the holidays so the younger couple can get out to Toys R Us. They all go to church on Christmas Eve, and after bedtime, sprinkle reindeer dust (oatmeal and glitter) outside the house to guide in Santa's sleigh.

On Christmas, the kids -- Jack, 8; Michael, 6; Catherine, 4; and Caroline, 7 months -- will open their gifts with their parents and then breakfast on a traditional French-Canadian pork pie called tourtiere, made for them by Tim's mom. Then they move on to the home of one set of grandparents for a light lunch and gift opening, and to the other for Christmas dinner.

This is cache, read story here